Prideful lack of self-esteem.

I don't know how to really start or end this blog:

 

The lack of self-respect comes from your pride.

 

The reason you lose respect for yourself is because you keep thinking "I can do better, I can do better".

 

My friends, no you can't. You cannot do better. When you just got done clearing your browsing history for the hundredth time, getting mad at yourself because you could have done better. When you just got done realizing how you gossiped about or mistreated one of your friends, you start to have worldly sorrow of your sin and think "I knew better, I shouldn't have said that".

 

I have a lot of "filmmaker" friends that sit around and talk about what films they are going to make and what they would have done differently when they watch films, but they never make films. They are not true filmmakers, because filmmakers should make films.

 

We are sinners, real sinners and we sin. If you think of yourself as anything more than a sinner you start to fall into a rut of lack of self-respect and lack of self-esteem.

 

It's funny to think that I am actually telling you that it's when you realize you are worthless is when you start to gain your self-esteem. But it's so very true.

 

Once you realize that you are a sinner and that you couldn't have done that better or not fell in that area, once you realize that is when you realize how much God loves you.

 

If you think of yourself as a good person you will think "of course God loves me". But it's when we see how flawed we are that we think "God loves me despite of all this??". God's love is shown to us in our realization of our true selves.

 

I have never felt so loved in my life until I realized who I really am and saw how God accepts me still.

 

If you think you deserve the love of everyone, you will be disappointed very quickly. You will start thinking "why don't they love me, they should love me, it's them, maybe if I kill myself they will realize how much they should have loved me, maybe if I moved to a foreign country, then they would miss me..." you will lose your mind.

 

We all are not worthy of love, but are loved. That to me is amazing.

 

God loves you. That should surprise you. When you realize He loves you despite of you not being able to do better is when He makes you better.

 

your friend,

 

-Isaac