A Blank Page

A blank 'textedit' document is one of the scariest, intimidating things to me right now. Maybe because it's the most important thing I can do as someone who learns from writing out my thoughts.

Maybe it's because I know by the end I end up seeing who I am or who I'm not. Where I'm failing and where I need to be.

It's not only easier to just click refresh for something inspiring, but what's the point of being inspired if it doesn't inspire me to actually do something?

Maybe it's because to write is to be vulnerable and to post on the internet is to be crucified.

But what's the point of writing something if nobody is gonna make see it, if they can't see it, I can't collect likes and comments.

See, there it is, I start seeing what's really motivating me.

Isn't that's what's motivating us all? We're either climbing mountains to show our Instagram followers that we climb mountains or we desire to climb a mountain so we check Instagram to see what a mountain peak looks like so we don't actually have to climb the mountain.

I don't think any social media is evil, in fact I think it's juvenile to think that way, though I once did.

It's a morally neutral tool that is so new that I don't know if I really know how to use it yet.

So it becomes a waste of time or a boost of ego or a distraction from real life.

I've heard of self-medicating with alcohol and drugs, but is it possible I use social media to self-medicate?

I'm starting to think that maybe I just need to start climbing mountains. Maybe just for the challenge and experience of climbing a mountain for myself.

Maybe a picture of a mountain top doesn't compare to the air, temperature, feeling of personal accomplishment and hours of alone time or with a friend.

But the view on a square picture seems to satisfy me. It's way easier. I get to look at it for a few seconds, take it in.

I've never regretted any mountain I've ever climbed, but I have regretted clicking refresh too many times in a day.